Dorothy Parker’s reasons to live

The 13th of the month is as good a day as any for an affirmation of life. Grin and bear it.

Dorothy Parker

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

Now read her New York Times obituary published in June 1967: Dorothy Parker, 73, Literary Wit, Dies. (She had a heart attack.) The obit’s full of lovely gems such as this brilliant quote from her:

Wit has truth in it. Wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

It also quotes this brilliant putdown:

“Are you Dorothy Parker?” a woman at one party inquired. “Yes, do you mind?” the humorist retorted.

Bookmark the obit if you like — and see what happens if you try to copy and paste.

Two more quotes from the obituary:

“To say that Miss Parker writes well,” Ogden Nash once remarked, “is as fatuous as proclaiming that Cellini was clever with his hands.”

But she herself confessed she did not find writing easy:

I can’t write five words but that I change seven.

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